Afraid
by rogers.forbidden.love.child
Summary: I looked up to find his blue-grey eyes which were filled with concern looking straight at me. “She ran away again last night." I stared hard into Ryan’s eyes as I spoke my final thought; “What if she doesn’t love me?" Gabpay.


I looked down and let out a heart-felt sigh.

"I don't know Ry," I said after my sigh. I looked up to find his blue-grey eyes which were filled with concern looking straight at me. "She ran away again last night."

"Again?" he asked, reaching out to cup my cheek. I couldn't take it anymore; his eyes looking into mine were too much. I lowered my eyes to the floor but not before he saw the tears that had gathered in them.

He used his thumb to gently stroke my cheek before he drew me into his arms. I lay both my hands on his chest and rested my head in the crook of his neck. I let the tears fall. All the tears I had held inside all this time came flooding out like a dam had broken inside me.

I voiced all my insecurities, letting it all out in one unintelligible, tear sodden rant. Side-effect of the sobbing I suppose.

Ryan whispered in my ear and started to sway with me in his arms. I appreciated his attempt to soothe me and managed to calm my breathing until my sobs were mere whimpers. His hands rubbed my back until my body stopped shaking. It took a long time let me tell you.

But when I had finally calmed enough to talk properly, I pushed him from me. I fell backwards onto the plush sofa that I had insisted was in my dressing room.

Ryan stepped over the futon and adjusted it so he was sat in front of me. He reached out to take my hands and I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from breaking down again.

I opened my mouth and let it all pour out; all my doubts, all my inhibitions, every worry I had had over the past five months.

By the time I had finished, tears ran down my face, creating little black rivers that ran from my eyes to my chin. I sniffed to try to keep my nose from running. My eyes stayed locked on the same spot of floor as everything came to a head in my mind.

My eyes rose from the floor as fear filled me. I stared hard into Ryan's eyes as I spoke my final thought; "What if she doesn't love me?"

Shock flashed in my brother's eyes before he smiled. "Come here," he laughed as he stood and again tried to draw me into a hug. He lifted me from the couch before I pushed him away from me in annoyance.

How dare he laugh? This is serious!

"Ryan!" I scalded him as I collapsed back into the sofa.

"I know, I know," he laughed as he sat back down. "You don't like being laughed at..."

Damn. I hated that he knew me so well.

I couldn't help it- I just didn't like the thought of people laughing at me. They could laugh with me, just not at me. That was why I despised slapstick comedy. I loved to watch it, but never could I perform it.

I opened my mouth but Ryan silenced me with a hand. My mouth snapped shut and I stared at him indignantly as he finished laughing. When he had nearly done he had the audacity to pretend to wipe tears from his eyes! Tear's that weren't even there! He couldn't even be bothered to stage cry for me! I shot him a look that would have made any other man wither and die but he just shrugged it off.

Damn him and his knowledge of my mannerisms!

"So you honestly think she doesn't love you?" he asked me sincerely.

"Yeah," I started. He tried to keep a straight face but after a minute just gave up. As he lent forward in a pathetic attempt to hide his sniggers, I kicked the futon he was sat on. Off balance as he was, he couldn't help but fall forward onto the floor. Still he laughed.

I rolled my eyes as I got to my feet. I stepped over to him and opened the mini fridge that was on the table in the corner of her dressing room. I took out a protein shake and gulped it down.

Crying de-hydrates me.

Ryan was still on the floor laughing. I personally couldn't see what was so funny. I had just voiced my worst fears and he was now laughing about them. I bristled inside and moved towards the door, tossing my empty in the bin as I passed it. My hand reached for the handle before I heard Ryan shout for me to come back. I smiled as I walked back to the couch. I knew he wouldn't be able to let me just walk out.

He composed himself as he picked himself off the floor. I flopped back into the cushy embrace of the couch as he again pulled up the futon. He reached out for my hands once more but I didn't feel like letting him hold them.

I lounged back in the sofa, sinking into the cushions. He looked me dead in the eyes to let me know he was serious.

"She loves you Shar."

It unnerved me, how he didn't blink once while he looked me in the eyes. I found I couldn't hold his gaze and once again lowered my eyes to the floor as I sighed.

"How do you know that?" I whispered, the joy I had felt a second before at my slight victory over Ryan now replaced with this hollow feeling. I couldn't meet his eyes, afraid of what I would find there. I felt tears well up in my eyes and a burning sensation started to creep into my nose as the tears threatened to fall.

He knelt down in front of me, entering my field of vision. He again cupped my cheek and lent forward until our foreheads were touching. "I just do," he whispered back to me.

I pulled my head back to look at his face. "Then why does she always run away?" This time I couldn't stop the tears from falling, only adding more to the black rivers that streamed down my face.

Ryan sighed and sat on the sofa beside me. I fell down to land with my head in his lap. I felt him smoothing my hair down, just like he had done when we were children and I was upset over anything.

"The thing with Troy..." he started, obviously nervous about bringing up this subject. "She didn't deal with it so well." I sighed as that bastard re-entered my thoughts. I sat up and grabbed a tissue, the emptiness inside of me filling up with anger.

"How did he only get five years?" I asked rhetorically. I got to my feet and threw the tissue I had used to wipe my face in the vague direction of the bin. I didn't know if I missed or not but I really didn't care. Anger bubbled and boiled inside of me into rage until I had to let it out. I drew my fist back and wheeled around to face the wall. I slammed my fist forward and watched it head for the wall.

He moved so fast my brain didn't even register that my fist was no longer going to make contact with the wall. The only reason I knew I didn't hit the wall was because I realised that walls didn't grunt in pain when you hit them. The red that had clouded my vision lifted from my eyes in an instant as I realised what I had done.

Ryan doubled over, clutching his stomach, his face contorted in pain. He collapsed onto the floor and I was knelt beside him a split second later. "Oh my god Ryan," I said, extremely distressed at what I had just done. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. I didn't see you in time. I wouldn't intentionally hit you Ry. I love you. You're my twin and..."

He silenced my babbling with a hand. "It's ok," he wheezed. "You should be a boxer, you know that sis?" He pulled himself up into a sitting position and stayed still for a moment, catching his breath.

"Are you ok?" I asked, concern lacing my voice, my own troubles forgotten for now.

"Yeah I'm fine sis," he said. He tried to stand and I saw his jaw clench. I rushed to his side to help him to stand properly before helping him over to the sofa. "Just don't let anyone know I got knocked to the ground by a single punch from me sister. It'll ruin my jock reputation." He tried to chuckle before he clutched at his stomach in pain.

"Ry..." I started, my apology turning to something resembling ash on my tongue.

"It's fine Shar," Ryan softly smiled up at me. "I couldn't let my twin hit a wall and break her hand. Plus with our twin telepathy thing you probably wouldn't feel anything and I would just feel the pain anyway."

I smiled back at him, acknowledging his feeble attempt to change the subject.

"Yeah but still Ry..." my words faded as the faint sounds of someone randomly taping at the keys of a piano drifted into the dressing room we were in.

My brows furrowed together in confusion, "Who's here at this time?" I asked no-one in particular. I looked at the clock to confirm that the time was when I thought it was and frowned deeply.

"Watch it Shar," Ryan said, distracting me for a moment from the sounds of the piano. "You keep frowning like that you'll get wrinkles around your eyes."

"Ah I'll pass 'em off as laughter lines," I said as I turned my attention back to the wannabe Phantom of the Opera. Whoever they were, they were hopeless at the piano. So that ruled out Kelsi who was the only other person I could think of that would be around here this late. Ryan and I had no reason to go home. We had nothing to go back to so why leave the 'Temple of the Arts' when it was so much homelier than home itself?

"I'll be back," I threw back over my shoulder to Ryan. He said something back but it fell on deaf ears.

My curiosity coupled with my imagination cooking up all kinds of kooky situations that ranged from the realistic to the straight-out-of-a-comic-book.

Not that I read comic books or anything...

I walked from my dressing room to the side of the stage cautiously. I didn't dare chance a glance round the curtains to see who was sat at the piano. I hid in the folds of the curtains and stayed there for a moment before the person started to play a pleasant yet unidentifiable tune on the keys.

"Just when it's getting good, I slowly start to freeze," the person on stage sang. At least I assumed it was the person on stage that was sat at the piano.

"Just when it's feeling real, I put my heart to sleep."

I swear a light bulb went on over my head when I realised who it was singing.

Gabriella.

The girl I loved.

"It's the memory I can see, then this fear comes over me."

I breathed in sharply as I realised what this song was about. A thought crossed my mind for the first time.

Every time she's with me... does she still see Troy?

I stepped from behind the curtain and into Gabriella's eye line. She locked her coffee brown eyes onto mine as she continued to sing.

"Understand that I don't mean, to push you away from me."

I gave her a sad smile as I realised the answer to my question was yes. She looked down at the piano and my anger welled up inside of me, threatening to boil over like it had done before.

I finally knew why she kept running away.

"Why am I so afraid, to crash down and lose my heart again. I don't know, I can't see, what's come over me?"

She looked back up at me and I felt my anger fade as I stared into her eyes. My heart started beating faster and I felt my palms start to sweat.

"Why am I so afraid, to break down and lose my mind again. I don't know, I can't see, what's come over me?"

I started to walk over to where the piano was. It took all my mental strength not to give in to myself and sprint over to where she was and hold her.

But I knew I couldn't.

This was her song. I looked in her eyes and knew she had to finish it.

"You got a way of easing me out of myself."

She never took her eyes off of me, looking me straight in the eye all the time. I don't even think she blinked.

"I can't stay but I can't leave, I am my worst enemy."

I sat on the stage cross-legged looking up at her from where I sat. I listened to the words, letting the meaning of the words sink into my consciousness.

"Please understand, that it's not you it's what I do. Just when I'm about to run, I realise what I've become."

It all fitted together in my head now. The reason she ran, the way she loitered around the front gates afterwards, thinking I couldn't see her.

I sighed.

"Why am I so afraid, to crash down and lose my heart again. I don't know, I can't see, what's come over me? Why am I so afraid, to crash down and lose my mind again. I don't know, I can't see, what's come over me?"

I don't know my love, I answered in my own head. I wish I did but only you do.

I took the break in the singing as an opportunity to get up off the floor. I dusted myself off as I stepped to stand next to the piano. I lent forward on my elbows to look into her eyes as she started to sing again.

"Now I wonder what you think of me. Don't know why I break so easily. All my fears are armed surrounding me, I can't get no sleep."

I walked around the piano, getting closer to her second by second. The tempo of the music increased but I wasn't sure if that was because I was getting closer or for some other reason known only to her.

"Keep running circles around you. Are you the trap I want to fall into?"

She broke the eye contact we had been sharing since I had leant on the piano. She closed her eyes and swayed, getting caught up in her own song. She no longer tapped the keys; she crashed her hands down with the certainty of an old piano master playing a song they had been playing for years.

"Why am I so afraid, to crash down and lose my heart again. I don't know, I can't see, what's come over me? Why am I so afraid, to crash down and lose my mind again. I don't know, I can't see, what's come over me?"

I smiled as I stood right next to her without her even noticing.

"Why am I so afraid, to crash down and lose my heart again. I don't know, I can't see, what's come over me?"

I lowered myself to sit on the empty space on the piano bench next to her.

"I'm so lonely without you... without you."

I lent towards her to whisper in her ear but before I could, she finally got to finish her song.

"What's come over me?"

Her voice carried on after the piano had finished, but only for a second. I lent forward again to whisper to her, "You'll never be without me."

She turned to face me, tears glinting in her eyes.

"I thought I might have lost you after last night," she said softly, lowering her eyes to stare intently at something on the stage floor beneath the piano.

"You could never lose me Gabriella," I said cupping her cheek and using my thumbs to wipe away the tears that had started to fall. "You could run away as many times as you want. I'm not going to force you into anything."

She looked back up at me and I was surprised to find her eyes no longer glittered with tears unshed or otherwise. She said nothing and just closed the distance between us both.

I smiled softly at her, pausing before we got to close. "Are you sure?" I asked.

Again she said nothing- she just crashed her lips against mine so forcefully I was shocked. I quickly got over it and kissed her back with an equal passion.

As our passion grew, she pushed me gently from the bench. I fell backwards with her lips still pressed to mine.

Such a passion I had never felt before, with her or anybody else. It made everything else fade into the background before making it all fall away until there was nothing left but us...

* * *

I walked into my house with a huge smile on my face. I had never felt so alive before. I walked into the longue, fully intending to collapse into a luxurious sofa similar to the one that was in my dressing room back at school and instead coming face-to-face with my brother.

"And where have you been?" he demanded before seeing the huge grin I had on my face. He smirked at me before saying, "Oh... I get ya."

I smirked back at him, waiting patiently.

"Oh god Sharpay!!" he yelled at me as his hands flew to his head as if that would do anything. "EWWWW!!"

I collapsed into a sofa and laughed at him as he ran to the stairs. He turned when he reached the open doorway of the longue.

"And you thought she didn't love you," he mock sneered at me before turning on his heel and running up the stairs.

I managed to keep a straight face until I heard his bedroom door slam shut. As soon as I heard that I burst out into fits of laughter. I laughed so hard I cried.

I eventually calmed down and reached for the remote for the TV.

Who said twin telepathy didn't have its advantages?

**What do people think? Is this any good?**

**Please leave a review, it helps me improve blahblahblah... don't people who say things like that annoy you? I used to say it a lot when what I really meant was please tell me what you think so that I know I did something good. I like compliments about my work, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside )**

**Anyway so yeah please review.**

**R.F.L.C**

**X**


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